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28/07/2018

It’s so different

Today we spent the morning chilling out at home, before heading out to the Worthing Lions Classic Car Show in Steyne Gardens.

Dexter had the time of his life likening all the cars he was seeing to all his favourites from Disney’s Cars trilogy. It was so unbelievably cute.

My favourite was the VW camper van as it matched my @joyandjoebaby Green SMP wrap perfectly!

I just wanted to take a moment to thank everyone for their kind words and messages of support enquiringly how I’m getting on. I’ve made no secret of the fact that I suffered terrible PND and PNA following Dexter’s birth which I am still on meds for.

Well it’s been 15 days and so far, no PND. It’s so different. It feels like how everyone says it’s meant to feel when you’ve had a baby. I’m truly happy, I’m truly content. I haven’t felt this way since before Dexter was born (ante natal depression too!). Whilst I know the meds are partly responsible, I also know that the PND may still strike. I’m under the care of our local peri-natal mental health team as well which will hopefully help with the anxiety flare ups I’m having. Wearing Trixie of course calms them down, but a lot of it feels like leftovers from my experience when Dexter was new.

I genuinely feel like a massive weight has been lifted. Like I’ve been under a cloud for over two years and now I’m basking in the sun.
I adore Dexter of course and I love him to pieces, I can’t help but mourn that I didn’t get this blissful newborn stage with him. That it was fraught with misery, anxiety, self doubt, feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness and shame. I’m just thankful I was able to get help before he was able to form a memory of me how I was. Babywearing saved us, it bonded us and has kept us together ever since.

I’m so happy, our family is complete.

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